This is a crappy story!!!

What a great day. Some days I just want to throw in the towel and then there are days like today.

Patsy is doing great and she is here with us more then she has been for a long time. If she could talk, it would really be a miracle. I have been so blessed and to see her improving a bit is just one more blessing. Her bank account got some help and i was able to by here some wipes and things that she needs. We buy a product called "Thick It" to thicken the liquids we give her. We go through quite a bit of it when we have it. The water and juices go down better and there is less chance of aspirating her. Also, I have to buy her suppositories to help her go to the bathroom. Those are just a few items that don't fit the budget we have so the extra help is a lifesaver to us.

The next part of this email is where some of you say "why did he tell that story?" So this might be a good spot to turn your computer off.

As you all know, for almost a year now, Patsy hasn't been able to poop by herself. Every two or three days, I have to go in and dig her out. I think that is where some men would say "Time to put her in a Nursing home. I call it True Love.

Once I determine that she has a load in her cavity, I give her a suppository and in about three or four hours, things have moved down to where I can help her. She just doesn't have control or the strength to do it on her own. Well, night before last, I gave her a suppository at about 10:00 at night. When I came in to move her at 2:00, I checked her and decided that I would change her and clean her out so that she could sleep better.

I undid the diaper and rolled her on her side and was just getting ready to go do my chores when all of a sudden I saw her stomach muscles contracting and she started pushing to do it her self.

HOLLY CRAP!!!!!! (HEHEHE)

I COULDN'T BELIEVE WHAT WAS HAPPENING

Now I know how dumb that sounds to be so happening that the love of my life was able to do such a task. But I can tell you that I had a hard time getting back to bed because I was so wound up. The physical therapist has been working to strengthen her trunk muscles and I think she was as happy as I was when i related the story to her.

See, it doesn't take much to make me happy.

Enough of this crap for now, hehe. Thanks for being there. I really need you guys and Patsy needs your continued Prayers and support. RAZ

the good and the bad

The first part of this email is really good. I have not seen Patsy doing this good for a long time. It has been almost impossible to get her to loosen her arms enough to get them around me making lifting rather difficult at times. Two days in a row I have been able to get her arms around me and even got them in a position to call it a hug. Also her alert level has been really doing much better. Carol has her on something and I believe it is really working because of her progress.

What is even more interesting is that when I say hi to her she is mouthing the words back to me. I have been working on her to give more definite head nods to yes and no answers and she is doing much better.

But the best thing that has happened is that I have been trying to get her too make sounds, any sounds or grunts. I noticed that when I would give her a kiss and tell her that I love her, she would moan a bit so tonight I told her that I wanted her to make a sound. When I kissed her, she moaned and I asked her to do it again and I put my ear so that I could listen and I told her to make the noise.

HOLLY SWEET MUSIC TO MY EARS!!!!!!! I was so happy that I (that's right, I shed a small tear). Good days are just around the corner.

So how could I possibly be sad with all the good news?????? August 6th I am leaving to go do a week with the Ride Idaho group. This will be the first year that we have not worked the event together. I have made arrangements to leave Patsy with my daughter and kari will still go over and work her hours but do it at Christy house. If there was any two people that I would want to leave her with, they are the ones. But I am not sure how I will get by with out her for a week and I will not be able to contact her or them a good part of the trip.

What if something happens to her and I am not there. I would never forgive myself. And I am also asking myself if the reason I am not taking her is because I am being selfish and just don't want to work that hard. And what if she really wants to go and is just not able to tell me??

And to make me really screwed up, the 6th is our 40th anniversary. She may not know or she may. What a way to celebrate that event by leaving her. It is still three weeks away and I already miss her. I even thought about not going but I love to do the event and I know if she could tell me to go, she would, with or with out her if she was unable to go.

So, I will probably change my mind about a dozen times between now and then. If she gets worse, I won't take the chance. If she gets any better, I will want her to go. If she says she wants to go and it is a definite, I will take her and do the hard work.

Any advice from the caravan group??????????????????? RAZ

The Love that they Share

So as Dad mentioned I got a box of Genealogy from him so I can continue doing the work Mom started. I got home and started to unload the car and I looked in a box. I found this picture right on top of the stack. I call Dad to tell him I think he needed to have it back and I read him what was on the back. I will admit, it made more than just him cry. It says
"Dear Lynn,
Well, here we are all "growed up" Wow!! what a scary situation to be in. The years have gone fast-almost too fast to even comprehend.
My life has been so much fuller these past few months. You've added a lot to that empty spot found in every single girl's heart. You've filled it like no one else ever could and I want to thank you for it.
From here, the future looks bright and rewarding!! Let's keep in the right direction and we can make anything and everything work. (Especially if God is on our side) As the song goes, "Id like to make it with you." I love you, Pat"

how is she doing????

So how is Patsy doing???? I am not sure. She is still here and that is a blessing by itself. She is eating pretty good but we have to feed her with a syringe and we also give her water by the same method. We do it that way so that we can get more in her in a shorter period.

For those that have not seen her in a while, and there are some that do not come around to see her, she is doing some things that are kind of interesting. When sitting in her chair, the therapist sits her forward and she is now able to hold her self up with very little help.. When she is laying on her back and we have to change her, she tries to help a little where in the past, she was just like a log.

I still have to help her have a bowel movement every two or three days and she is still not able to talk. That makes me sad because I have so much to tell her and it would really be nice to have her acknowledge some things.

I wished she was doing a little better because I need to find some work. In the beginning of her illness, a lot of friends and mostly family, helped with a little money and we survived okay. Now things have slowed way down and i am finding it hard to get by, We did do a camping trip last month and that was needed for both of us. She really loves the mountains and she had a great time.

I am going to drive truck and haul onions and beets for two months starting about sept. If I can make it until then, we should be able to budget that extra money over the winter and get by okay.

But Patsy is holding on and I am going to fulfill my promise to never put her in a nursing home. I think I have been through enough that I can physically and mentally handle what ever comes. I think with my Heavenly Fathers help, and with the help that kari is giving us, and of course with your continued love and support and your prayers, we are going to make it. Patsy continues to be the love of my life and I can not even think about life with out her.

Oh, My daughter made me cry the other day. I gave her a couple of boxes of genealogy and she found a picture of Patsy (it was her graduation picture) and on the back was a love note from her that I have not heard or seen for 40 years. Wow, that was a tough day for me. She was going to post it on here but I guess she forgot. \Okay, that is enough for now. See you all in the funny papers, RAZ

HOLLY FIRECRACKER!!!!! Chad and Marty carried Patsy outside so that she could watch the fireworks with the group. I think she had a great time. Of course she would jump at the loud noises and then she would smile a bit. She has had a couple of good days and the physical therapist was here today and she had Patsy standing a little bit. She believes Patsy is continuing to improve. Time will tell. I will continue to be here for her. Thanks for riding along, but I need to feed Patsy some ice cream. RAZ

Stanley

So as Dad mentioned last weekend was Field Day for Ham radio. It's a world wide event to see how many contacts you can make in 24 hours. We had a lot of fun. While yes we did miss some family events this weekend but we know that they understand because of how much Mom loves being out doors and she Loves going to Field day. It wasn't that long ago that she was on the radio trying to make contacts herself. I really think she enjoys camping so much now days because she doesn't have to do the cooking. I'm still trying to figure out how I ended up filling in for that job. We were up in Stanley and we camped up on this ridge that over looked the Valley with the beautiful Saw Tooth mountains in the background. What a breath taking view! Mom had a really great weekend. She did well on the drive up and fabulous on Friday. Saturday she had a few bumps that she was working through but by bedtime she seemed to be doing fine. Sunday morning we broke camp and were already to head home but not before we got this picture. We had a hard time getting her to smile at first but since she wouldn't say "cheese" for the camera I asked her if she would at least fart for the camera she thought that was pretty funny so we were able to snap this picture.

We're trying to decide where the next pictures will come from but we're thinking Lost Lake up by New Meadows So stayed tuned.