the good and the bad

The first part of this email is really good. I have not seen Patsy doing this good for a long time. It has been almost impossible to get her to loosen her arms enough to get them around me making lifting rather difficult at times. Two days in a row I have been able to get her arms around me and even got them in a position to call it a hug. Also her alert level has been really doing much better. Carol has her on something and I believe it is really working because of her progress.

What is even more interesting is that when I say hi to her she is mouthing the words back to me. I have been working on her to give more definite head nods to yes and no answers and she is doing much better.

But the best thing that has happened is that I have been trying to get her too make sounds, any sounds or grunts. I noticed that when I would give her a kiss and tell her that I love her, she would moan a bit so tonight I told her that I wanted her to make a sound. When I kissed her, she moaned and I asked her to do it again and I put my ear so that I could listen and I told her to make the noise.

HOLLY SWEET MUSIC TO MY EARS!!!!!!! I was so happy that I (that's right, I shed a small tear). Good days are just around the corner.

So how could I possibly be sad with all the good news?????? August 6th I am leaving to go do a week with the Ride Idaho group. This will be the first year that we have not worked the event together. I have made arrangements to leave Patsy with my daughter and kari will still go over and work her hours but do it at Christy house. If there was any two people that I would want to leave her with, they are the ones. But I am not sure how I will get by with out her for a week and I will not be able to contact her or them a good part of the trip.

What if something happens to her and I am not there. I would never forgive myself. And I am also asking myself if the reason I am not taking her is because I am being selfish and just don't want to work that hard. And what if she really wants to go and is just not able to tell me??

And to make me really screwed up, the 6th is our 40th anniversary. She may not know or she may. What a way to celebrate that event by leaving her. It is still three weeks away and I already miss her. I even thought about not going but I love to do the event and I know if she could tell me to go, she would, with or with out her if she was unable to go.

So, I will probably change my mind about a dozen times between now and then. If she gets worse, I won't take the chance. If she gets any better, I will want her to go. If she says she wants to go and it is a definite, I will take her and do the hard work.

Any advice from the caravan group??????????????????? RAZ