Still here but not doing well

Not been a good day. I gave Patsy a Valium this morning and she did pretty good until this afternoon. Scott and Denise came by and so did Verlynn and Lowell. I had to give her some more then and she just hasn't settled down since then. Christy came by to spend some time and she gave me a break and worked on Patsy. When she changed her, there was a terrible amount of discharge and the smell was not good. We cleaned her up,gave her another Valium suppository and dressed her again and hoped she would settle down again. She also used some mouth wash and a little brush to freshen her breath.

Still having some problems, we checked her temp again and she was getting warm again. We gave her the Tylenol and I think she is doing better. Now the big issue is her breathing has become more difficult. I have not had to give her to much morphine accept the patch she is wearing that is good for three days at a time. It is looking like a long night ahead. Each day gets tougher for her and for me. I am going to stay here with her and love her every minute.

I tell these stories to let people know what it is really like to experience this part of life. I don't sugar coat it and some may not want to read the bad with the good.

Patsy is going home and it is going to be really hard for me. I try to stay pretty strong at least when people are here. One things that helps a bit I think is that Patsy has been up and down for a year and a half and we all have know that this day may come as we did what we could to prevent it. I still tell her how much I love her and how much i am going to miss her. I don't know if she hears me but I tell her anyway.

Don't miss an opportunity to love your spouse. We had a great relationship and I still wished I had let her know more often how much I love her.

Most of all, thanks for riding along on her journey. RAZ