I sure hope you all understand that I am not just taking the easy way out. If I thought for 1 minute that Patsy would want to live this way, I would do it right now. I have spent the last year taking care of Patsy and I wished I could do it the rest of my life. Those that have come by have all agreed with our decision and those that could come by and don't, I really don't care what you think.
So, she is resting very comfortably. For the first time in a year, she is very relaxed and I am sure there is no pain. Her eyes are closed and she has been like that since 4:00 yesterday. Prior to that her eyes were fixed and non-responsive. Now they are closed and her eyes are rolling back and forth. At midnight last night, I gave her a Valium suppository and there was several times I had to really check to see if she was still here.
I have had a lot of things going through my head since I have not been able to sleep much. Things like how am I going to pay my bills on the first because we will loose the benefits that we have been getting. What am I going to do for work now! I am going to have to give my van back to Fast track because I don't have a way to pay for it. I really messed up when I sold my little escort so that I could haul Patsy around and now I have a payment.CRAP!!!!
But for now, All that matters is that Patsy knows that I am here as I promised I would be. I wished that there was something else that I could do for her but I am happy that she will be going home soon. RAZ
You have done everything that you can possibly do and it's up a higher being now to make the decision for her to go home. Everything else will fall into place as you continue down your own path. What a wonderful husband and father you have been and as you fulfilled a promise that you made to the love of you life. Just spend this time thinking of all of the wonderful memories that you were able to share with Patsy. There will be time to worry about all of those other things later. Hang in there and if there is anything that Lowell or I could do please give me a call. Even if you need to be a smart ass, I can take it. Love ya, Lil Sis.
ReplyDeleteyours is such a sweet Love story. Inspirational on so many levels. Bless you <3
ReplyDeleteSorry I havent kept up very well. It is almost more than I could handle. I think and pray for you both often. We have had some great times together. Patsy and I spent some great times when we were kids,trying not to get into to much trouble and driving Aunt Ella crazy. Staying up all night and sleeping all day. I want to remember that way. I will miss her beautiful music and smile. I know how very much she loved Raz. We had talked about it. just a few years ago we hiked Independance and spent the night, lynn thought we were crazy. You two girls cant do that. We had a great time, we did get rained out and went to Almo and spent the night with Phillis.
ReplyDeleteAll will be Ok lynn you are a surviver. Have faith and pick yourself up brusch yourself off and move on. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Love Leslie