more weight loss!!!!

We have had better days!!!! Patsy does not act like she feels very good. I took her for her bath today and she has lost a little more weight. I have been working so hard and I am not gaining. I was giving her a hug when we got home and I told her that I was considering a feeding tube. She said no. So, I will start earlier and feed her more and I am going to find higher calorie intake for her. Tonight she got 4 tablespoons of peanut butter, A hot bowl of cream of wheat that I added more peanut butter to, and then an ensure, and topped it off with a milkshake with ice cream, banana, and milk. All since 4:00. Tonight she has a slight temp 0f 99.2.

I hope her check comes tomorrow. I need propane before we run out. It has been a tight month. I gave Carol two payments this month for medicine and other supplies. I think I should have enough money to pay the bills this month if I work it out just right.

So we get ready for another day. thanks for riding along, RAZ

Just take a breath so I know!!!!

How does your day start!!!! The first thing I do every morning is to look and make sure my wife is still breathing. I try to change her sleeping position every three hours. I would do it more but the air mattress overlay that she sleeps on helps and we seem to be keeping the bed sores away with that program. I put her in one position at 9:00 and then put her on her other side at midnight. Again at three and six. I have not had to use an alarm clock, I just am able to wake up.

Yesterday we had to do another clean out on Patsy. She gets so plugged up if I don't. After getting her emptied as far as I could, I gave her a suppository and that helped to bring the rest down and she is feeling better today I think. I said good morning to her today and she tried to say it back to me but was unable to get it out. Just watching her move her mouth and try is a good sign to me.

Monique brought a reclining wheel chair from the nursing home for us to use until we get the new one for her that we have asked for. The advantage of the wheelchair is that it forces her to sit up more. I need a tip out on my bus.

Anyway, This was a pretty good week for our girl. I told you that when I move Patsy from bed to the chair that I always ask her to try to stand. I think she has been putting weight on her legs but it is hard for me to tell because I have to hurry and get her in the chair before my back give out. Well, Wed. night I had a meeting in Boise so I had Christy come over and watch mom for awhile and then Kari came by and sat with her until I got home. While Christy was here, Monique came with the wheelchair and they got Patsy up and put her in the chair. They are able to get on her sides and both lift her.

Monique told me that when they did that, Patsy put weight on her legs for several seconds. WOW!!!!

So things are looking up. Time goes so slow when you want things so bad. It is like a kid at Christmas, hurry up so we can open our gifts. Sometimes I get a little depressed wondering if this is the way we will be spending the rest of out lives. But then I look at Patsy and she smiles and I realize that if it is, Then I am a lucky man. So, keep riding along with us on this journey, RAZ

It is bedtime but here I am!!!

It is late but, I have heard from three people today that I am behind in my blogging so here I am. I have often wondered if anyone even reads the darn things because nobody ever replies any more but after today I see it is time to repent. Patsy had another good day. I really fill like we are being blessed just a bit. Her for getting a little better each day and me for having what it takes to care for her. HOLY COW!!!! I you would have told me a year ago that I had this much patience, I would have laughed big time.

I am not sure that I am doing everything right but I am sure trying. Patsy has no bedsores, I think she is now holding her own in the weight department, her range and motion continue to improve, her legs are starting to strengthen up, And most importantly, her smile keeps getting bigger and bigger. Lucile stop by today and Patsy was sure glad to see her. I wished everyone could have seen her then. Lucile is really special but, she brought soup and bread today. HOLLY PEANUT BUTTER CUP!!!! Where was the cookies. I know Patsy REALLY missed them. Just kidding of coarse.

Well, it is time to get ready for bed. Time to give me sweety a good kiss goodnight. Maybe even a hug. She really is the love of my life and I am really happy to share our journey with you. Thanks for riding along, RAZ

It doesn't take much to keep me happy!!!!!

Here is a quick story since the one last night was a little lengthy. I put Patsy in the chair and fed her lunch. I didn't aspirate her one time. HEHE The computer chair is right behind her and she faces away from me. With the recliner back and her feet up I can keep an eye out while watching tv or playing on the computer. So here is what happened.

I SNEEZED!!!!!!! Immediately I said "Crap, I just sneezed my brains out all over the floor". I looked at her and watched her laugh. Then I said "without my brains, now I am stupid". Again she laughed.

Now remember, I am behind her and I am not even talking to her. I realize that it sounds stupid but I like to see her laugh and more importantly, I like knowing that she is responsive to what is happening and being said.

So that is the news of the day. I believe Patsy has become more engaged with things around her. It is like she is waking up from a sleep a little at a time if that makes any sense. Who knows, tomorrow I may be reporting that she has had another seizure, but for today, things look pretty good. Thanks for all those that ride along with us and continue to keep her in your prayers. RAZ

Do you think I am unhappy!!!!!!

I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND!!!!!! Before I tell that story, let me tell you about a very special lady. Patsy!!! She has just had three of the best days in quite a long time.. She still can not say much, and I still have to feed her and change her, but I can see some improvement and that makes me very happy. Here is an update!!! We started the day with a phone call to see how Dad is doing. She said Hi Grandpa to him again. It was a little rough but she got it out. That is always a good way to start the day. I got her fed and up for the day again. It was a little quieter then the last couple of days but still a good day.

But the best part of the day was that I got her to put some noticeable pressure on her legs while moving her to the chair. I am going to get her to walk again if I have to do it all myself!!!!!

Here is the spot where I don't understand. As part of the Home Health thing, I asked for a few things. Most of the things I didn't get. They told me that I couldn't have a nurse, yet they assigned a nurse guy to her. He can not prescribe any medicines nor can he furnish any creams like diaper cream etc. He can however come by and annoy the heck out of me and check her temp and blood pressure. But if there is something wrong, he can't do anything about it. I have a blood pressure cuff and a thermometer. Why do I need him???? Oh, by the way, he didn't show up this week but I'll bet that they still bill Medicaid.

Another thing that I asked for is a tilt in space wheel chair. The recliner that I have is not a good one for her to sit in and still strengthen her trunk muscles. The Doctor even did a house call since he was in Weiser, (thanks to the woderful nurse that we had when Patsy was on Hospice). If they got the Prescription to him, he said he would sign it and they could get the ball rolling. I have heard nothing. meanwhile, Patsy is not sitting properly while she is up. They also have what is called a Roho cushion for Patsy to sit on so that she won't get a sore. The one that we are using is on loan from guess who??? That's right, Denise, Patsy's Hospice nurse. They were suppose to get me one because this one is supposed to go back to Hospice. Did they do that????

Heck no!!!!!

I asked for a speech therapist for Patsy. She came for the first time last Friday. She was here about an hour and spent most of the time getting up to speed on where Pasty was in her recovery as I call it. After about 45 minute she finally got to work on Pat and spent about 15 minutes with her and got her to say three words. I was impressed. She called a couple of days ago to see what would be a good time to meet with Patsy and I told her that in the mornings Patsy tries to talk the most. She said she would let me know. I got a phone call from her at 4:00 tonight and said that she would try to be here about 5:30. What???? I guess that is early in the morning. Holy Crapola!!!! Then she told me that she wasn't going to work on Patsy when she came tonight but that she was going to tell me how to puree food for her because last time she was here she saw me aspirate her twice.

Welllllllllll. I guess you know how that went over!! I have been feeding Patsy for almost a year now and while I am sure that I have made some mistakes, I have not killed her yet. Maybe she forgot that she wanted me to feed her some different things so that she could see how she was doing and when i gave her a small piece of chicken, Patsy didn't chew it up very good.

She was nicely asked not to come. What part about lets help Patsy do these people don't understand. Oh, but I bet they still bill Medicaid.

So the only real thing that I have gotten from Guardian Home Health is the Physical Therapist that I had to fight for to get. Her name is Monique. She does a pretty good job and between her and I, Patsy is getting a bit better with her range and motion. It isn't what I wanted for her but it is probably the best we can do at this stage. It is no wonder that Governor Otter says we need to make cuts in Medicaid and I am about to do my part to save the State. There is a gal here in Weiser that is a speech therapist who I want to have come. At least she won't be coming from Baker Or. Imagine what that must be costing. But when I asked for her in the beginning, they just ignored me. They won't now!!!!!

I know, I know!!! So are probably saying that I am a real pain the the bedsore. Probably...

But I know that this is not the way things are going to be as long as i am able to take care of my wife. The tax payers that are paying for this deserve better or I am not going to ask for the help.

So, there. You now have my book report for tonight Thanks for putting up with me and continue to ride along, RAZ

Is it my birthday!!!!!!!

Wow!!!! It is only 4:00 but so far today this has been the best day that we have had since probably sometime in September. What do I mean by that you ask????? Ok, I will tell you.

I woke Patsy up at about 8:00 and she gave me the biggest smile I have seen for a long time. Then I was teasing her about how full her diaper was and she started laughing. the more I teased her, the more she laughed. I cooked her breakfast and she ate it without any problems.

She needed a bath because we didn't get to go to the care center on monday so I heated the water and gave her a good bed bath. Now doing a bed bath is not two much of a problem until you get to the washing the hair part. That is usually a hard task unless you have some help because it is hard to hold her head up and wash it at the same time without some help and I didn't have any today.

So, I set a chair by the side of the bed and put a tub with water on the chair. I told Patsy that she was going to have to help hold her head up so that I could do a good job. I turned her side ways on the bed and started to wash her hair.

HOLY STIFF NECK!!!!!!! She was able to completely hold her head up the entire time without any help from me. It appears that the exercises we have been doing may be helping.

And then as if the day wasn't going well enough, When I got done giving her a bath, I gave her a big hug and a kiss. Nothing to special about that you say!!!! Well, The cool part was that Patsy was able to get her arms up around me with a little help. That has been really hard for her because she has been so stiff. More proof that we may be gaining on her therapy a bit.

Next, it was time to get her out of bed and in the chair. I do it everyday but I usually struggle because it is hard to lift her with out having her arms around me so that I can get a good hold on her. Yep, she was able to let me get her arms around my shoulders and that was wonderful.

But it just keeps getting better. I asked Patsy if she would try to stand . It has been so long.

HOLY LETS GO DANCING!!!!!

Now, she only put a little pressure on her feet and my back isn't good enough to hold her to long but I was really happy to see that much progress.

Can the day possibly get any better????? Yup!!! Thereasa called me and told me that she had a roast in the crock pot and I don't even have to cook supper. Unbelievable!!!!! And I have the laundry done and the dishes are done except the ones from breakfast.

If the sun would have stayed out today it would have been perfect but all I can say is let it snow, I don't care.

Thanks for riding along on the journey, RAZ

P.S. I hope R. W. makes it to our next meeting. We really missed her!!!!

Will you stay my Valentine??????

For those that know me, you also know that I really am into Valentines Day and doing special things for my sweety. A couple of years ago, it was a nice dinner at the Mill restaurant in McCall. During the dinner, a surprise delivery of a dozen log stem yellow roses had the crowd applauding and my sweety with a tear in her eye. It was fun!!!

Now it is my turn for a tear as I am not even sure if she knows who I am. I know, I still get kisses and hugs (if I do the huggin). But there are also times when she looks at me like I am a stranger. A nice reward, huh!!! But, I will never quit and i continue to look forward to a walk in the park or few minutes on top of a ridge just me and my gal.

Today was the day that we normally take patsy to the care center for a bath but there is a lot of sickness there right now and we decided to put it off a day or two. Patsy really seems to like it and I like it because I get to weigh her and find out how bad I am doing.

Friday, the speech therapist came by and was able to get Patsy to say three words that I have not heard for a long time. One was goat while she showed her a picture of a goat and the other was coat. She also said ten as the therapist counted.

I have been trying so hard to put weight on her this week. I just don't know if it is working. We were able to get her cleaned out so that should help her a bit. I am doing all I can think of. We will see next time we weigh her and then we will know. Something new is happening and I am not sure if it is good or bad. While sitting in the chair watching tv, she will drift off to sleep. All of a sudden she will start to stretch and takes a big breath like just waking up. Then she will talk a bunch of jibberish and i have to shake her a bit to get her to wake up. But she does and then she seems to be okay. Is it good or bad????

Well, you all have a great night and thanks for riding along. RAZ